Too late to be cool? I think not.

A couple days ago my new chiropractor informed me I have a mild scoliosis of the spine. Something, he said, that likely developed when I was 13 or 14.

And here I’ve been all this time with a crooked back and totally unaware of it. Which is distressing.

I mean, I can’t even fathom the cool factor this information could have granted me had I know it in my teendom. My ability to dramatically align any teen-caliber life shortcomings with Judy Blume’s  Deenie character might have been utterly transformative.

Sure, at this point I won’t be required to wear a back brace for four years like Deenie had to. Nor will my aspirations to become a model be dashed by the diagnosis. My goals during my Deenie-reading era were more about getting attention from cute Junior Instructors at my rundown town yacht club and less about walking runways in Milan anyway.

Regardless, it still feels like not knowing this then represents some kind of missed opportunity. And the second I realize how I can capitalize on it, I’m riding my bike straight over to Amelia’s house where–if I screw up enough courage, that is–I’ll call Phil Kinder, or maybe one of the other JIs, and make sure they’re the first to know.