10 Things I Learned in Belize

1. Blue Morpho butterflies copulate for 5 hours straight.

2. Flying in 12-seater planes is both terrifying and exhilarating.

3. It takes about 5 seconds for safety-conscious parents to be convinced by an island cab driver that, “You don’t need to use a car seat–everyone drives slow here.” (Hey, what’s good enough for Britney Spears’ baby, is good enough for Kate.)

4. Apparently a fair number of Americans vacation in places like Belize and decide on the fly to move there and never go home. This concept has always concerned me. Do they truly not return home and “just stay” as they claim to have? In that case, what do they do with the contents of their homes? Do their mothers or friends clean up after them and put all their stuff on storage, or have a big yard sale? Aside from being way too much of a planner to take this approach to moving, it just seems plain selfish to me. Besides, paradise seems great until Week 6 of your job renting snorkel equipment to tourists. Sure it’s pretty there and all, but after a while those jobs have to wear on you as much as your cubicle gig did.

5. After days of constant togetherness, one day Kate was sweetly muttering, “Mama, Dada, Kate” to herself. I explained to her that Mama, Dada and Kate are what is called a family. She looked at me all excited and said, “Heiny!” Ah yes, the McClusky heiny. This is not something I learned while in Belize, but it was funny.

6. Bandits can be so meddlesome. Just when you want to check out some Mayan ruins, a group of gun- and machete-totin’ bandits hold up a group of tourists, and they end up closing down the place for the day before you can get in.

7. Spending a lot of money on an impractical white bathing suit is totally worth it if it makes you feel like you still got it on your 40th birthday.

8. The worst kind of American tourists are drunk Baby Boomers.

9. When not being toted around in a Gucci bag by Paris Hilton, Kinajous crawl around in trees in the jungle. Night-time jungle treks allow you to see these kinds of things, along with tarantulas, mega “witch” moths, and other creepy crawly things.

10. Having your husband spontaneously serenade you on the morning of your 40th birthday with a medley of Lionel Richie songs is both hilarious and sweet (and validates your choice in him as a life mate). Hearing a LR song on the cab ride back from dinner that night and bursting into song–along with the cabbie–is the perfect end to an evening (and validates that even at 40, one can still act immature).